For Moms who struggle through every waking hour…

every tantrum…

every childish demand…

Let’s struggle not to complain too much…

or teach independence when its still too soon…

We might end up missing every cuddle…

and appreciate our kids’ childhood too late…

reposted from Shire Kids

It started with Benjamin from Geronimo Stilton. Firstborn got the idea from him that he wants to travel and write about places and things he sees.

Upon hearing from him his desire to write, Gladwell’s “concerted cultivation” concept immediately took an active part in me again, I began to encourage him. And so, when I learned about Whatthebook’s Saturday book reading and book signing by new children’s book author Darren Farrell, I immediately signed up my 2 boys.

It was a good chance for them to meet a “writer” and see what he does. Aside from reading from his book Doug-Dennis and the Flyaway Fib, the author also entertained the kids with Doug-Dennis illustrations. It was short, barely an hour, but me thinks it was a good way of cultivating kids’ interests, especially when I know that they have shown an inclination to writing (by “they,” I mean even the little one is following his Kuya’s declaration that he also wants to be a writer).

Oh, kids! They could be anything they want at any day they choose. “I use my imagination, Mommy!” as my son Second-born always declares!

And he becomes Ironman again…

Everyday I set a study time for the kids… And I take it seriously as I do plan out the lessons that I give to the kids. That’s complete with books and other materials.

But today, my 6-year old boy kept on asking me questions about God during breakfast. He was so interested that it would have been so heartless of me to cut him off for the sake of our scheduled lesson time. And so, instead of the planned out lessons for each of them, the three of us sat down with their kiddie bible books:

The 6-year old has always thrown faith-related questions my way since he was a toddler. He was the one who inspired hubby and I to make it a point to say our prayers before meals and during bedtime. As he grew, his questions also become harder to answer… add to that the fact that I am not a deeply religious person.

Our talk led us to the second commandment and right after I said “Bow down to no one but God”, he blurted out:

“Mommy, Mommy, why do we bow down to the person in front in Church?”

He was referring to the priest (when we go to Catholic mass – I am Catholic) and the pastor (when we go to Christian service - hubby and kids are Methodist).

The question would have been simple and a devoutly religious person would have a ready answer to that. Thanks to my upbringing, I gave him the correct spiel.

But I carry my own prejudices.

In retrospect, as I was answering his question, I can’t help but be reminded of people’s tendency to look up to, even idolize, religious leaders. Coming from the innocent questioning of his young mind, it brings an unbiased observation of the faithful’s tendency to violate the second commandment. And how easy it is to violate!

Thousands flock to see esteemed religious leaders. Words of heavenly praises are given to those who are adored and idolized. In so doing, most of us -unintentionally, of course – would no longer see the one and only God. Instead, we see the religious leader there. And then, we hear disconcerting news about them. They who preach violate their own preaching.

Yeah, I was very affected, thus this post. But I kept my thoughts to myself. My kids are too young and too innocent. Their faith is fresh and pure.

Despite “myself”, they will go through their religious journey with optimism and innocence. I will be with them in their journey. But unlike other parents who are seemingly sure of their faith, I will be beside them and with them but I will be discreetly carrying my own prejudices with the hope that I go back to that “age of innocence” in so far as my faith is concerned.

If you have one kid, all your attention will be showered on him alone. If you have two, balancing your attention will have to come into play everyday and every minute… and shall be reflected in your words.

I have two boys… and the younger one adores his kuya that his interests are inspired by him, except for Iron Man and the color ”red” which he possessively owns up as his own and his alone:-). At 6 years old, the older one is quite an achiever already. And I know my 3 year old will have his own time, too. He’s still my baby:-).

On this coming culminating activity from Montessori, the school will have a production and they are going to present “The Lorax”. My 6-year old will play the role of Ted, voiced by Zac Efron in the animation film. My 3-year old will be one of the truffula trees… hahaha. His young mind realized this:

Second-born: There’s only 1 Ted. Kuya. There are many trees, Mommy.

Me: Oh, but you’re the most handsome truffula tree, anak.

And my 3-year old smiled.

Ahhh… the bliss of youth and innocence.

Since it was a holiday yesterday, kiddos wanted to try some experiments from a book given to them during their birthday party last year. They got fascinated with tsunamis and I had a hard time (lol) explaining to them how tsunamis happen.

They were not contented and so they begged me to let them watch a video of a tsunami. And I left them watching a March 2011 Japan tsunami…

While preparing dinner, I overheard Secondborn crying and this conversation between the two:

Secondborn: You will send me to the tsunami, kuya? waaaaaahhhh

Firstborn: Yes, because you keep on hitting me.

Secondborn: Even if you will not see me forever anymore? (still crying)

Firstborn: That’s why you stop hitting me, ok?

Secondborn: You don’t love me kuya?

Firstborn: Aigu!!! … (and hugged his baby brother)

Hahahahaha…And they resolved their own conflict!

As soon as our first child was born, I immediately prodded my husband to transfer our joint account (which we opened years before we got married – still boyfriend/girlfriend satus) to our son’s name. The bank allowed us under the ITF (in trust for) type of account. It stayed that way until our second son was born.

When our second son was born, the mommy in me wanted an account for him, too. And so, at 3 weeks old, Second-born got his own ITF account. This time, Firstborn and Second-born shared the money that was just in Firstborn’s ITF account for 3 years. Theirs was a kiddie account which they regularly update, especially during December or January, right after the Christmas holidays when they get a lot of loot from generous people around them:-).

Their account took a good amount when Firstborn had a taste of his first big screen appearance when he got in the movie “The Taste of Money” – a Cannes Film Festival entry last year. Second-born was also supposed to be in the movie but he was too young and he was just too cranky during the first day of shoot it was decided that he shouldn’t be included anymore. Still, hubby and I explained to our Firstborn to share his money to his baby brother. And so, baby brother got 1/3 of his big brother’s earning:-).

I’m thinking though that since we are an expat family who just might move anytime anywhere, it would be practical for me to look for banks that we can access anywhere we might be located. There are bank accounts on offer that I am looking at which could be good for us and for our two boys. In this global age and with the family life that we have, it is indeed beneficial for us to have accounts that we could access anytime anywhere. An active online presence with proven efficiency will be best for us. This is something that hubby and I will both have to choose and agree on. Hopefully, our kiddos will get to appreciate this someday:-).

Several nights ago I got so angry with my Firstborn.

This very minute that I am writing, I conveniently forgot the reason of my anger. But, yes, I was angry and I made him feel that anger. I turned my back on him when we were about to sleep. This is one drastic move to a boy used to being hugged while he goes to dreamland.

You see, we sleep together. My boys and I. When we are with their daddy, the four of us roll on two beds purposely put together so we have a big space to sleep in. Firstborn sleep in his Daddy’s arms while Secondborn sleeps on my arms. Most often, you’ll see Firstborn on top of his Daddy’s chest soundly sleeping. He would cry out for his Dad when he feels him gone, even when he is just going to the toilet. There should be words of comfort like “I’ll be back” or he would let out a cry. “Who will hug me?” from Firstborn is frequently heard in our household. This sleeping habit is lovingly tolerated.

Good thing that hubby and I both believe in co-sleeping with our kids. We are more comfortable with it than putting them in their own beds in their own room. That time will come. But not yet. Not yet.

When we woke up the next day, Firsborn’s first words were “I love you, Mommy!”

When we slept again that night, his head was on my left arm while Secondborn’s head was on my right arm. That’s how we sleep when hubby is not with us. I would end up with cramped arms. But it’s a practice that I also could not let go yet.

Then Firstborn reminded me:

“Mommy, remember last night, you were angry with me? You did not hug me?”

“Yes, you made me angry, that’s why.”

“But you love me. So when you love me, you still need to hug me even when you are angry with me.”

I was out of words.

I had been baffled with the attitude of my son’s friend. He’s just a boy, of course. A boy who doesn’t speak nor understand my language. But then again, most boys take it well when I try to speak to them in Korean or give them signals about the things I want to tell them. And I firmly believe that RESPECT knows no language. Respect is universal.

Hubby and I try very much to let the kids grow with confidence but careful enough to immediately cut any horn of disrespect that may be showing at some point in time. of course, they’re kids and we can’t claim to have perfectly respectful kids. They have tantrums, they have moods. They’re kids! But generally, they are mild-mannered and respectful.

The mom of this boy is so proud that they are bringing up their kid to be a very confident kid. Amen to that. But in time, I see that the confidence that I am seeing is almost always manifested in grabbing toys from other kids, shouting at other ajummas who did something he dislikes (I ran over my hand on his hair once as an expression of fondness and voila! he shouted at me), shouting at his mom for whatever reason, shoving other kids to get what he wants, cheating in games to always win. Of course, he is not that all the time. He could be caring when he wants to. He is a very energetic playmate, just what my Firstborn likes his playmates to be.

I just don’t happen to define confidence in those terms. Confidence should be within the bounds of being respectful. When your confidence goes beyond being respectful, it’s arrogance. And if you start ‘em young, it will be harder to control as they grow older. Oh well, to each his own… each of us have our own parenting styles. And part of parenting is choosing friends for our kids… and limiting his play time with that particular friend. And I could do just that!

They are little only once Lord.

Grant us the wisdom and patience to teach

them to follow in your footsteps

And prepare them for what is to come.

They are little only once Lord.

Make us take time to play, pretend, to

read or tell a story; to laugh and cuddle.

Don’t let us for one minute think anything is

more important than the school play, the

recital, the big game, fishing or the quiet walk

hand in hand.

All too soon, Lord, they will grow away and

There is no turning back.

Let us have our memories with no regrets.

Please help us to be good parents, Lord.

When we must discipline, let us do it with

love. Let us be firm, but fair; let us correct

and explain with patience.

They are growing away, Lord.

While we have the chance let us do our best

for them. For the rest of our lives, please

Lord, let us be their very best friends.

*** Why is this so easy to reflect upon but it’s just so hard to consistently do?

Weekend was spent outside with the two kids. While my Second-born was sleeping very well in his stroller, First-born took his time to lecture me with his experience-acquired wisdom. We were sitting on a bench, him on my lap when he suddenly remembered that I was not able to play with him in the playground (I was going after Second-born who is just 18 months old).

Firstborn: Mommy, you don’t play with me anymore. You hurt my feelings.

Me: Anak, I’ll play with you if I can. But you see, your baby brother needs mommy to follow him.

Firstborn: If you continue not playing with me, I do not want to play with you also. When I grow up, you will miss playing with me.

Got you, anak! If only I can play with you all the time…