Several nights ago I got so angry with my Firstborn.
This very minute that I am writing, I conveniently forgot the reason of my anger. But, yes, I was angry and I made him feel that anger. I turned my back on him when we were about to sleep. This is one drastic move to a boy used to being hugged while he goes to dreamland.
You see, we sleep together. My boys and I. When we are with their daddy, the four of us roll on two beds purposely put together so we have a big space to sleep in. Firstborn sleep in his Daddy’s arms while Secondborn sleeps on my arms. Most often, you’ll see Firstborn on top of his Daddy’s chest soundly sleeping. He would cry out for his Dad when he feels him gone, even when he is just going to the toilet. There should be words of comfort like “I’ll be back” or he would let out a cry. “Who will hug me?” from Firstborn is frequently heard in our household. This sleeping habit is lovingly tolerated.
Good thing that hubby and I both believe in co-sleeping with our kids. We are more comfortable with it than putting them in their own beds in their own room. That time will come. But not yet. Not yet.
When we woke up the next day, Firsborn’s first words were “I love you, Mommy!”
When we slept again that night, his head was on my left arm while Secondborn’s head was on my right arm. That’s how we sleep when hubby is not with us. I would end up with cramped arms. But it’s a practice that I also could not let go yet.
Then Firstborn reminded me:
“Mommy, remember last night, you were angry with me? You did not hug me?”
“Yes, you made me angry, that’s why.”
“But you love me. So when you love me, you still need to hug me even when you are angry with me.”
I was out of words.