journal, motherhood

Status Quo

Wow! It had been a week of no blogging. I haven’t tinkered with my blog nor browsed through other blogs that I always visit.

Guess, it had been a busy week for me. Writing assignments overload! It’s a daily deadline of writing tasks that I had to sleep when others are just stirring from their sleep preparing to face the day ahead. By the time everyone’s up, I am up also with a dizzy head.

Oh well, my writing tasks are not as demanding as they are supposed to be. It’s just that I have to put aside writing when the kiddos are awake. Sometimes, I feel really guilty when I would wish for my
Second born to sleep already so I can start with my work. I need for him to take a nap before my Firstborn comes home, otherwise I would be able to do nothing at all. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

This is what I have bargained for. I wanted to be a stay at home mom to personally look after my kids’ bath, food, study time, play time and all sorts of time that a mom could ever have with her kids while they are still young. Much as I want to take in more assignments, I just have to back off. I also had to gently but firmly stand my ground with “employers” who request for articles during the weekend. It’s the only time we are complete as a family in the house and I cannot compromise that.

I don’t want to continue whispering to my Second born my apologies for not reading enough to him, for not playing enough with him, for not spending time with him the way I used to spend my time with my Firstborn. I don’t want to look back to my mommy days and regret what I should have done more.

So, I guess I just have to take in an even lesser workload from this time onwards lest I will become confuse with my priorities¬† and stray away from what I have defined for myself for now… while my kids are still young.

I have to keep fit to keep up with my boys’ energy, including hubby’s. I can’t continue working till the wee hours of the morning and go through the day dizzy and short-tempered. Anyway, there’s so much to be thankful for. Hubby works hard and we have to be grateful that we don’t have to worry about finances. The kiddos are growing up very well adjusted in an environment with a language different from what their parents use. As for me, friends do not come short despite the fact that I can’t speak the language even with nearly 6 years of living here in Seoul.¬† Pathetic, right? LOL. I mean, about the language. I can’t understand my Firstborn most of the time when he takes the liberty to speak in Hangeul. But, that’s another matter. Firstborn speaking Hangeul is a great learning experience for him.

For now, I have resolved that everything should remain the same. Status quo. Just a few more years… when kiddos would fare better when they are not guarded by me all the time… for now, they would be their best when I guard them all the time…lol.

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