motherhood, parenting

Mom 101: Nurturing Boys

I couldn’t imagine a kid being scared of another kid… to the point of being relieved wheh the kid he is scared of is not around and reporting to his mom, “I’m so happy today, (name of the boy) is not in class”. Wow! That’s miserable.

What makes this case more unique is having an interfering, over-protective mom. The mom is endlessly worried about her son that one day, to my surprise, she got on the schoolbus and gave the “bully” a wrapped cookie. All the other kids were looking at her, expecting to be given the same treat.  Of course, as 4-5 year old (international age) kids they expect to be handed with the same treat. But the mommy wanted to get the “bully’s” affection so her beloved son would not be “bullied” in school. I think that’s really one absurd behaviour coming from an adult! Build your son’s character first so he doesn’t become an easy target for bullies.

Nobody wants their child to grow up a bully. But you wouldn’t want your child to be bullied also. As a mom, I always tell my son never to start a fight. But when somebody starts the fight, he:

  • first tell the other kid to stop
  • when he doesn’t stop and continue hitting, make sure that he hits him back real HARD so that kid will think better the next time he tries his hand on him.

I’ve seen my son fight. Recently, he fancies himself protecting another kid so after a fight between two other kids, he would get back to the other one in defense of the one who is crying.  His objective makes me proud. But I have to admit his idea of protecting gives me headache. If it’s any consolation to me, at least I am sure he wouldn’t end up a target of bullies.

I usually don’t get in the middle when kids fight unless I could see somebody will be getting real hurt after the fight. I try to observe how my son reacts and handles the situation. This is one major difference between MIL and me. She is very protective of her other grandson back home that the boy always ends up crying and screaming out loud to get sympathy, even at the slightest touch. And the boy is always successful with his objective… the grandparents see only his tears and listen only to his screams. I bet he’ll end up a wimp if they continue treating him that way. Like the boy here in Seoul, they will end up friendless… nobody will want to play with them.

The little boy above plays with no one but my son. The mom doesn’t want him to mingle with other kids. Poor little soul. The mother seem to take little fights personally.

I’ve seen moms getting angry with other kids, blaming them for their own kid’s pain. I have an unwritten rule for myself: Never scold another mom’s kid, whatever the circumstance. Let the kid’s own parent do the scolding. If they don’t, then it’s none of my business. I watch out for my own kid. If he gets hurt because another kid hit him, charge it to experience. Be more alert next time. My kid will learn his lesson. I will, too. The other mom has her own score to settle with her own kid. If she doesn’t, it’s not my loss. She just lost the opportunity to do some character-building… and that’s beyond me. I am not to whine about it.

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